Psychic predicts Russia’s victory

According to the Russian press, the one person who really knows how the Ukraine War ends is a Russian psychic with more eyeliner than credibility.

Adelina Panina, speaking to Kremlin mouthpiece MK, announced with great certainty that Russia is “confidently moving towards inevitable victory” and that the triumph will be signed “on paper” before year’s end. Which is a bold call, given she also once prophesied the war would wrap up neatly in May, and we all saw how that went.

Her latest premonition is, of course, about as authentic as her eyelashes, and one has to wonder whether the spirits whispering in her ear are vodka fumes or the collective mumblings of Moscow’s propaganda department.

Panina appears to have learnt from her previous mistakes and gave her oracles a few months to play out.

Still, she assures her audience that a peace deal will soon be recorded for posterity. Families who’ve buried loved ones and endured years of bombing will no doubt be thrilled to hear their fates decided by a woman who seems to be channelling either mystic forces or RT’s editorial team.

If she turns out right, it’ll be the first miracle she’s pulled off, and if she does not pull her socks up, we predict she will be headed for a flight out of a 10th-storey window.

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