Dumb Etsy witches claim credit for Kirk killing

A bunch of chancers flogging curses on Etsy are now claiming they magically assassinated Charlie Kirk after right-wing conspiracy nuts hijacked a Jezebel piss-take.

Before Kirk was shot, Jezebel ran a satirical piece mocking Etsy witches who charge silly money for spells. The article joked about hexing Kirk, but made it clear they only wanted to curse his socks and sabotage his podcast mic.

“I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his thumb to grow so big that he can't tweet,” the story said.

After the killing, Christian nationalists and the usual frothing right-wing rags latched onto the piece and took it dead seriously. They started bleating that witches had blood on their hands and started gathering firewood for a bonfire.

While the entire Wiccan movement should probably be keeping quiet right now for their own safety, the same Etsy witches Jezebel was mocking are crawling out to take credit, hoping to drum up business despite not being involved, and the whole thing being a joke.

Priestess Lilin told Metro: “When you work that in alignment with the collective energy, it can manifest in unthinkable ways,” she added.

"While we cannot claim literal responsibility for Mr Kirk’s death, we do affirm that the magic we work with is effective."

If there is a spell for backfiring publicity stunts, someone ought to cast it quickly.

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